In each new life chapter, there are things to argue about. Some of these things are even worth arguing about.
Yet, none of them need to create a great divide in a marriage, possibly ending it for good. So many times, however, these common arguments tear partners apart and break down marriages. The key to safeguarding a marriage from this type of vitriol comes in two parts.
The first part is simply being aware of the common pitfalls.
Common Arguments Most Couples Have
Although there are many things that have the potential to create conflict in a marriage, here are some of the most common.
Household Chores
Coming in third place behind sex and finances, the household chore conundrum is a very common marital argument.
Typically, one partner feels weighed down by the household to-do list. Often, the other partner feels unappreciated when they do chip in.
Commitment
Partners don’t always level up the same in terms of commitment. Naturally, this creates conflict. Especially, when it surrounds infidelity.
Often, one partner simply wants to become closer in their relationship while the other is satisfied with the status quo. This unbalance quickly develops into strife and friction.
Social Media
A fresh, new reason to argue with a partner may be their relationship with social media. One partner may feel the other plasters their personal lives all over the internet, gluing themselves to their phone.
Furthermore, some partners are highly uncomfortable about their spouses remaining friends with an ex. As one can imagine, this topic can end up in a heated discussion.
Substance Abuse
Whether it’s alcohol, drugs, or something else altogether, substance abuse is commonly the “last straw” before filing for divorce.
Partners with addiction issues commonly have more profound underlying issues that contribute to the breakdown of the relationship.
Unsurprisingly, substance abuse and broken promises often go hand in hand, leading to arguments.
Finances
In most relationships, there is a saver and there is a spender. In other words, one partner naturally leans towards saving their money while the other tends to spend it.
Also, there may be an imbalance if one partner works as the sole bread-winner while the other stays home to raise the kids, for example.
People have unique relationships with finances that can cause multiple arguments in a marriage. These are often accompanied by a breakdown in communication.
Sex
More than infidelity, many couples argue about how much sex they’re having (or not having).
For example, when one partner wants more sex and the other doesn’t take the time or have the desire, it can create an ongoing conflict.
It’s not unusual for one partner to feel as though their sex life has died, and/or to feel alone, rejected or abandoned.
Parenting
Like the saver/spender relationship, differences in parenting styles can weigh heavily on a relationship. What it usually boils down to is that one parent is more lenient while the other one is strict.
Furthermore, many joint decisions need to be made when it comes to raising a family. When partners fail to succeed at this, an argument typically ensues.
How to Safeguard Your Marriage from Common Pitfalls
As mentioned before, becoming aware of the common arguments that can occur in marriage is part of safeguarding a relationship. The second is knowing how to communicate.
Here’s the thing. These common arguments all add up to something serious—an enormous distance between partners. Communication is a necessary tool that can help eliminate that gap.
No matter how serious the conflict, practicing effective communication is the fastest and most productive way of coming to a resolution.
If you find yourself spinning your wheels, having the same arguments over and over, it’s time to work on your communication skills.
Take the first step…
If you’re ready to take a step toward increasing communication and closeness in your relationships, I would like to help. Please contact me by phone or email so we can discuss how we might work together to achieve your therapeutic goals as quickly and effectively as possible.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Linda K. Laffey, MFT
