Are We Wired For Suffering?

Do pain and suffering feel all too familiar?

Does happiness seem like an impossible dream?

Do you feel like you are struggling with one thing or another just about all the time?

Would you like to experience less suffering and more joy?

Our brains are wired for struggle.

In his recent interview with Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins reminds us that our brains are two million years old.  The brain was designed to keep us alive, and was necessary for our very survival.  Today, the brain that no longer has to worry about the threat of being attacked by a saber-toothed tiger now has to worry about being enough.  Am I pretty enough?  Thin enough?  Tall enough?  Smart enough?  Rich enough?  Good enough?

Does this mean that we are destined to struggle?  Not necessarily.  We have a choice to make.  We can decide to not give in to this tendency to struggle.  We have to decide that life is too short to spend it suffering, and we can actively choose to engage in behaviors that will transform the struggle.

You can begin to change starting today.

Most of us have a fairly clear idea of how we thought our life ought to have played out—where we would be at any given point in time, what we would be doing, how much money we would be making, and who we would be with.  And then when our actual life path falls short of those expectations, we suffer.  We tell ourselves and each other stories and make meaning out of why or how we did not live up to our expectations, and pain ensues.

One really good way to transform the suffering is to let go of our expectations of how things should or ought to be.  Instead, if we can focus our attention on appreciating everything that we have in our lives that is precious and good, the suffering will begin to dissipate.  Getting into the habit of writing out a daily gratitude list of everything we are grateful for is a really effective way to permanently exchange expectations for appreciation, and that can be absolutely life-changing.

Take the first step…

If you or someone you love is tired of struggling and suffering, and you would like to go beyond this first step in transforming the tendency of our ancient brains to struggle, I would like to help.  Please contact me via phone or email so we can discuss how we can work together to achieve your therapeutic goals as quickly and effectively as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Linda K. Laffey, MFT