Most couples want to have a passion-filled sex life where adventure meets fulfillment.

Unsurprisingly, it’s not uncommon for couples to fall short of this ultimate dream. In fact, you may be sabotaging your own sex life and not even know it.

Sex can be complicated. Each person has their own unique history with this intimate topic. As a result, it’s very easy for couples’ sex lives to get off-track unknowingly.

Furthermore, how you care for your mind and body play a significant role in lovemaking as well.

Not sure if you’re sabotaging your sex life? Consider these signs and what to do about the situation.

There’s Always a Reason Not to Do It

There are times when it’s perfectly normal to feel so exhausted you opt for sleep over sex. If you’re like most people, your harried life has a way of wearing you out.

But these valid reasons for not engaging in sex are usually few and far between.

If you’re consistently making an excuse or finding a reason not to have sex, you may be sabotaging your sex life.

A way to avoid this is to pencil sex on the calendar. By preparing your mind for a sexual encounter, you’re allowing yourself the opportunity to enjoy it even more.

Disappointment Follows Lovemaking

It’s common for people to expect the same sexual experience they had the last time. But doing so will often set you up for disappointment.

Furthermore, something your partner did last time that aroused you may not necessarily arouse you the next time. Yet, it’s normal to fall into this type of thinking pattern.

To prevent it from sabotaging your sex life, try to approach each lovemaking session with no preconceived ideas. This fresh outlook will help you to savor the moment as just one experience instead of a pattern.

It’s Difficult to Keep Up

To put it simply, making love is not exactly the easiest thing to do. Meaning, it takes some physical exertion to make the sparks fly.

If you’ve started skimping on your workouts or have given up on intentional eating, then you may be sabotaging your sex life.

This doesn’t mean you need to be a champion bodybuilder or a marathon runner just to have a fulfilling sex life. However, it’s helpful to be conscious of the way you physically feel and address any areas of concern.

For example, when you’re having trouble maintaining your endurance and stamina during sex, take the hint. Start going for walks or amp up your exercise regime. It will pay off in the bedroom.

Rumination Is the New Foreplay

Unresolved anger is one of the most popular ways that couples sabotage their sex lives. Whether it’s a fight you had a week ago or many years’ worth of built-up resentment, it all hinders a fulfilling sex life.

If you find yourself consumed by malcontent and negative thoughts toward your partner, you may be dealing with unresolved anger.

Let’s be real. It’s difficult to work out conflicts in a relationship. And, forgiveness isn’t a walk in the park. Finding sustainable solutions to your relationship issues is an enormous task. Yet, it’s a task that overflows into the rest of your life—including the bedroom.

To find a remedy for your ruminating habits, take stock in your thoughts and emotions. How do you really feel? What are you really thinking about?

Talk to a therapist or a good friend to get to the core of the issue. By resolving some of your unchallenged anger, you will likely improve your sex life as well.

Take the first step…

If you’re ready to take a step toward increasing more closeness and connection in your relationships, I would like to help. Please contact me by phone or email so we can discuss how we might work together to achieve your therapeutic goals as quickly and effectively as possible.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Linda K. Laffey, MFT

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