Your long-term relationship is likely a significant part of your life. So significant, in fact, that the union may seem self-sustaining and rock solid as you move through life managing more pressing responsibilities together.
However, it is important to realize that even the closest and most loving relationships need to be nurtured.
Fortunately, to secure your love and deepen your connection, you can incorporate small gestures daily that will refresh your bond with positivity and appreciation.
Be intentional and prioritize follow through
Loving relationships are desirable because they speak to our need to belong. We are hard-wired for connection. One of the most caring gestures we can make for the person we love is to be available and reliable. It seems simple, but during the course of our busy lives, we can easily drift apart.
Remind your partner daily that they belong with you. Assure them that they are wanted and heard. When you make plans or promises, be sure to honor them. Simply showing your partner that you can be counted on pays relational dividends. Promise to be your partner’s best friend, and then take pleasure in proving it as much as possible.
Look forward to relaxing and retreating together
Unchecked stress tends to wear on a relationship mercilessly. You can protect your connection by routinely allowing your connection to careers and obligations take a back seat.
For the sake of your union, ease the pressures you face by taking firmer control of your time together. Unplug digital distractions and establish a routine for unwinding together. Anything from cuddling on the couch, long evening strolls or listening to soft music in bed nightly can help bond you, as well as shed daily concerns and relax your minds.
Check in and ask questions
Remember when you couldn’t wait to learn everything there was to learn about each other? Revive that level of interest. There are still things to know and learn. What matters to your partner? Find out which hopes are the same and which priorities have changed.
Check in on each other’s dreams, goals and ambitions. Compassionately ask how you can support each other. Revisit cherished hopes for your life as a couple. There are applications on your smart phone under the category, “Questions for couples.” Using one of those can help you delve deeper into this process. Be sure to communicate to each other that, “We’re in this life together,” and soon you’ll refresh the hope and potential of your shared life in new ways.
Lean in, touch often, linger longer
Couples who simply relish being physically close find that their relationship is more resilient and more intimate. Don’t hold back with each other. Embrace the privileges of a secure loving relationship. Enjoy casual touch, cuddling, foreplay and lovemaking. Also, communicate that you are meant only for each other.
Slow things down routinely and allow yourselves to linger in kisses and hugs when you say hello and goodbye. Sit close at dinner. Make a mutual bedtime a priority and spend time touching when you turn in. Talk to each other openly, encourage novelty, engage enthusiastically. Emotional and physical intimacy will refresh you both and keep the feel-good brain chemicals flowing that cement your love.
Praise and Celebrate
Partners can easily take each other for granted if you aren’t careful. It’s vital that you make a conscious effort to boost the senses that you truly see, hear, and appreciate each other. Small gestures of love and gratitude increase relationship goodwill and affection.
In addition to mutual appreciation, gestures of public praise mean a great deal. Openly compliment each other, honor your partnership, and actively look for ways to discuss your partner positively.
As you look to refresh your love, keep in mind that incorporating these relationship gestures can easily stimulate and inspire your own unique ideas for boosting connection.
However, you may find too, that your relationship requires more attention and nurturing than small gestures can address. That’s okay. Negativity, unresolved problems, and tough emotions happen in the course of all long-term relationships, and they can build up over time. Sessions with a couples’ counselor can help turn things around. Please don’t hesitate to seek help. Learning new communication skills and more productive ways of employing loving gestures will help create the loving bond you hope for.
Take the first step…
If you’re ready to take a step toward changing your life and relationships for the better, I would like to help. Please contact me by phone or email so that we can discuss how we might work together to achieve your therapeutic goals as quickly and effectively as possible.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Linda K. Laffey, MFT
